Boom Boom Bah

I like the idea of the July 4th holiday. It's nice to celebrate America's independence and all, but in practice it's miserable. Who ever thought that the best way to celebrate the holiday was by setting off a series of loud, bright, and frightening explosions? In my case this year, however, those horrible explosions worked to my advantage.

My campaign aides decided to take me on a July 4th press tour of Anoka. My first stop was, of course, the Mayor's Annual Ice Cream Social. After hobnobbing and a few obligatory photos where I lick the faces of children, I wanted to just go home and nap. Instead, I volunteered my leadership skills to supervise the construction of a brick patio (but that's another subject for another day).

That evening, my chauffeur escorted me to the Anoka fireworks display. At first, it seemed like good fun, with loads of eligible voters all outside, having a good time. Then, the lights dimmed. A strange whistling sound pierced the air. A loud explosion sounded above me, shaking my little body and rattling my poor bat ears. I jumped. Another explosion followed! Then another! We are under attack! I thought, Where are my bodyguards?

Before I could find out, my campaign aides whisked me away from the dangerous scene and drove me home. Later, as I was checking my stocks on e-trade, I decided to contact Brody, my bodyguard. Apparently, based on an anonymous tip, Brody had stocked up on explosive devices earlier that day. Unbeknownst to me, the revolutionary rabbits from my backyard had formed a coup and planned their attack against me for the 4th. Brody wisely used the fireworks as a distraction, to frighten the lagomorphs as my aides quickly drove me to safety.

It was a political crisis averted, but my taste for firework celebrations has bittered. From now on, why not shoot meat sticks into the air instead? They are just as pretty to look at, and they taste better, too.