A Few Good Olympic Sports

The Winter Olympics 2006 began yesterday, but I missed the opening cermony because of Girl's Night. It's exciting to see the myriad countries competing for gold medals and glory. It's much like my entry into the Anokan mayoral race, only I want to wear the mayor's ribbon and keep an office on Main Street.

The list of recognized winter sports is sadly small. Only seven events? Come on! Curling is a sport, but dog sledding isn't? I don't have anything against curlers. I don't think I could ever push a 44 pound rock across the ice, and I certainly can't sweep (I've tried). Still, I think the Olympics could consider recognizing a few more winter sports.

• Snow Eating. This sport is even more challenging than competitive eating because of the danger of ice cream headaches. Not many countries recognize this as a sport, but they should.
• The Long Slide. The Winter Olympics equivalent of the long jump.
• The Tongue Pole Lick. Insurance for this one may be difficult to find, but it would be worth it.
• The Backyard Snow Dash. The tension, the speed, the spray of snow! It's athletic drama at its best.

I don't expect a miracle. I know that the Olympic committee traditionally frowns at suggestions for new events. While I wait for them to return my calls, I may try curling - in the warm spot in front of our fireplace.