I'm No Great Dane

Sometimes I feel very short. If I think about this from the proper perspective, however, I realize this is not a disadvantage.

If you are trying to hide something up your sleeves, for example, I can tell. I also know whether you bathe your feet regularly and whether your nose hairs need trimming. Being low to the ground means that I have a low center of gravity, so I don't tip over easily. I can turn on a dime, and eating food off the floor is as easy as breathing deeply.

With television and the Internet, height doesn't matter as much as it used to in politics. Why, with the proper camera angle, I can look downright stately. Viewers will ask, is that a Great Dane running for mayor?

But I'm no Marmaduke. I'm smaller, leaner, and smarter, and I hope to be your choice for the next mayor of Anoka.