Appreciation

Appreciation

The summer warmth is gone, but there are still a few good days of sunshine left. Anoka comes to life in the autumn, though, so I won't miss badly the dog days of summer. Being the Halloween Capital of the World, Anoka knows what's what when it comes to celebrating the fall season.

With Halloween approaching, I need to choose a costume. Any suggestions? I thought about going as Batman, but is that too cliche?

Weight Management Biscuits

My diet has been heretofore successful, but the campaign dietician has discovered a new means by which to torture me. He has replaced all of my doggie biscuits with "weight management canine wafers." What gives? Must I sacrifice all guilty pleasures for my mayoral campaign?

These new biscuits are dry, crunchy, and nearly tasteless. I guess I can't complain, though. My feet still touch the ground when I lay on my stomach.

Butts

The business of campaign season is making it difficult for me to keep up with my blog, and I must apologize. I've been active in the community, sniffing out opportunities for spreading my message and marking the town. Just this morning, I was out pounding the pavement on Mainstreet, handing out Thomas Peterson for Mayor pamphlets and pointing out all of the discarded cigarette butts on the sidewalk.

Maybe you tall smokers don't notice all of those little smokie turds that you toss on the ground, but I do. It's one of the few disadvantages of being short. It makes me sad to see so many butts on the ground.

I'm usually a huge fan of butts, but not these kind. They are very misleading. When I see a bit of something on the ground, I get excited. Could it be a biscuit? Or perhaps a smidgen of peanut butter? Alas, 'tis but a cigarette butt.

Sigh.

Dear smokers, do you realize how many dogs you disappoint by throwing your spent cigarettes to the ground?

Guests

Having guests over to campaign headquarters is always a delight, especially when they know where to scratch behind my ears. Another bonus is that guests don't know the rules about sneaking food to me under the table. Ha!

A Leg Up

As a courtesy to the other candidates for mayor of Anoka, I would like to link to their web sites. I've searched tirelessly around the Internet for the last five minutes. Although I did find Bjorn's email address, I can't find a web site for either Bjorn Skogquist or Steve Schmidt.

Well fellow candidates, like the dog said to the fire hydrant: it looks like I've got a leg up on you.

Part Timer

One of my campaign aides began a new part-time job recently, and I've decided to adopt her new schedule. Why didn't I think of this sooner? I've been so busy lately, preparing my campaign, walking, napping, cleaning the floors, etc. Being mayor of Anoka is a part-time position, and I need to prepare mentally for the change in pace. The sudden shift from full-time to part-time worrying and working was difficult at first, but I'm adjusting.

Argh! I'm a Pirate

Somedays, I like to pretend I'm a pirate. I call myself Captain Shortnose, and I stagger around campaign headquarters shouting orders and cursing profusely. I think it's funny, and my campaign aides tolerate it because if they didn't, I'd make them walk the plank.

Driver's Ed

Well, I tried to vote yesterday. My little old man costume didn't fool anyone. A nice lady at the door asked to see some identification. I asked what kind and if a certified pedigree certificate was suitable. She said no, but if I had a driver's license that would be sufficient. I asked her if she was crazy - did I look like I could drive. She sized me up and paused. No, I suppose not, she said. So, without a driver's license or a passport, I was turned away.

That's okay, though, because the primaries don't include voting for mayor. I have plenty of time to get my behind-the-wheel training before the real election.

Vote!

Honor the men and women who defend your country. Honor your rights as an American. Honor the lives lost in the name of freedom. Vote!

Tomorrow is the day of primary elections. If you're an Anokan who's unsure where to go to vote, look it up. I'm not sure if they allow dogs to vote yet, so I'm going to dress up like a short old man, but if you're a human, you shouldn't need to worry about what to wear.

Rainy Day Napping

It was a wet day all day today. Some of my campaign aides complain about the smell if I am outside too long in the rain. Out of respect for their wishes, I stayed inside most of the day. Instead of walking the campaign trail, I just took longer naps. I'm flexible that way.

Roll On Another One

It's important to spend time outside enjoying nature. Anoka has many enjoyable parks to explore, but sometimes my favorite spot is right outside campaign headquarters. You'd be amazed at all of the stinky items to be found just beyond the back door.

People often ask me why dogs like to roll around on dead animals and other filth. I can't speak for others, but I prefer that fresh smell to bottled fragrance. Plus, it's cheaper than cologne and environmentally friendly.

Download This

Amazon.con announced a new service this week that I'm excited about. I spend a lot of time home on the computer, working on my campaign. When I'm not composing speeches or trading stocks, I like to watch movies. Before, when I wanted to watch a movie like the Matrix (I know it's a silly movie, but I like the cat), I had no choice but to use a DVD. Now, because of Amazon.con's Unbox Video Downloads, I have a choice. I can either buy the DVD, which includes several special features, a little fold-out insert, and a shiny disc for $10 and watch it wherever and whenever I want. Or, I could download the movie (just the movie - no extras or fancy fold-out insert) for those same $10 and watch it on my tiny 15" monitor.

Wow.

What a deal.

I'm No Great Dane

Sometimes I feel very short. If I think about this from the proper perspective, however, I realize this is not a disadvantage.

If you are trying to hide something up your sleeves, for example, I can tell. I also know whether you bathe your feet regularly and whether your nose hairs need trimming. Being low to the ground means that I have a low center of gravity, so I don't tip over easily. I can turn on a dime, and eating food off the floor is as easy as breathing deeply.

With television and the Internet, height doesn't matter as much as it used to in politics. Why, with the proper camera angle, I can look downright stately. Viewers will ask, is that a Great Dane running for mayor?

But I'm no Marmaduke. I'm smaller, leaner, and smarter, and I hope to be your choice for the next mayor of Anoka.

Turning up the Crockpot

My staff and I are back from an extended weekend vacation, and I'm ready to fling myself headlong into the campaign fray. Even though my offices were closed for the Labor Day holiday, I couldn't stop thinking about work. The political crockpot in Anoka is heating up.

Because of the number of candidates, the city may require a primary election for city counsel slots this year. As long as I can remember (two and a half years, although those first few months are fuzzy), Anoka has held a primary election for city counsel. That's crazy talk, you may say, but it's true.

Why are there so many politically involved Anokans? Is it something in the water? It could be. If you asked me before I started drinking Anoka water if I would ever want to run for public office, I would have barked in your face. Or maybe it's because of the Anoka Halloween parades. Everyone knows a parade is the best way to encourage blind patriotism.

Whatever the reason, it's an exciting place to live if you're involved in local politics, especially when you're a dog.

Remember the Dogs

An open letter to all grafitti artists.

I can sympathize with your instinctual desire to mark territory. Sometimes the urge to lift your leg is too strong to resist, especially when you're in a pet store and some punk chihuahua tries to claim the dog food aisle as his own - even though he knows there's no way his scrawny ten pound frame would stand a chance against a bulldog like me. (I digress.)

Dear grafitti artists, please, when facing the urge to tag a building or wall, remember the dogs. We may mark, but, as a courtesy, we always leave room for others. You should ask yourself, if I mark with paint, is there room for others to also share? The answer, obviously, is no.

Instead of a can of spraypaint, why not try using your body odor? Rub your armpit on the wall. You can satisfy the marking urge but still remain courteous to others.

Better yet, put your marking tendencies to even an more constructive endeavor and run for public office.