Working for Biscuits

It was a full room of bulldogs, and I mingled as much as I could, with both human and canine. I recruited several campaign supporters and even a few donors, although it takes a lot of dog biscuits to buy a new convertible.

Bulldog Drinking

Another French Bulldog Meetup photo... Even indoors it was a very hot day, and all of us bulldogs got very thirsty.

French Bulldog Meetup

On Sunday I attended my first French Bulldog Meetup event. The requirements for membership aren't very stringent. You can be any color French Bulldog, and they even make exceptions for English Bulldogs if your accent isn't too thick. My campaign photographer took plenty of photographs, and it was difficult choosing just one representative image, so I may post more than just this one.

As you can see in this picture, I practiced my cooperative political skills by working with another bully. Together we overtook the pied Frenchie on the floor. The photo captures the moment before we act, when I tell my partner to hold her down while I slobber her face. It was a good plan - put to action quickly and completed successfully. Just like how I would operate were I elected mayor of Anoka.

The Smaller Dog

I just learned that "the dog days of summer" are not, in fact, named after a dog. The name comes from some dude in Rome who thought he was clever when he noticed that it got really hot when the star constellation Canis Major, or "The Larger Dog," rose and set with the sun.

I must admit my disappointment that the name doesn't come from how miserable the heat makes me feel. Still, it's cool that there's a constellation named after us canines.

Actually, there's more than one. Another is Canis Minor, or "The Smaller Dog." Both constellations are said to be the two dogs following behind Orion, the hunter.

Of the two constellations, I'm partial to the latter, and not just because I'm a smaller dog. (Well, smaller than a Great Dane, at least. I'm still working on that diet.) I think it's interesting that a two-star constellation could evoke the image of a dog in the minds of early astronomers. It shows the pervasiveness of our puppy-dog reach into the collective imagination of the humans and reassures me that a dog becoming mayor of Anoka is not only possible, it's inevitable.

Lightning Quick

Come and Get Me

When I am in a political pinch, my lightning-fast reflexes and quick wit are my only allies. I dodge to and fro to distract my opponents, and then I dive headlong into the fray with reckless abandon.

More Confessions

Yesterday, I revealed my obsession with belly rubs. Today, I have another preemptive confession to make, something that a dedicated reporter or private investigator will probably dig up anyway. I have three unpaid barking tickets.

Here's the Rub

Today I spent some time trading stocks online. It's been a good year for me, despite poor overall performance in the economy. It is the Year of the Dog, after all. After a half an hour or so, I moved on to reading the local news, where I learned that Minnesota Attorney General Mike Hatch is accusing a news reporter of asking "sleazy" questions.

Before reading this, it had never occurred to me that a reporter might ask uncomfortable questions about me and my past. It turns out that it's an inevitability of a public life. Since I'm a dog stepping out into the political spotlight, I guess there are a few things I should reveal about myself.

I don't want to frighten you away by giving it all away at once, though, so I'll start with something simple - a guilty pleasure. The belly rub. I know as a strong leader, I should stand tall and never back down, but if someone walks up to me with a raised hand, I can't help it. I roll over and hope for a rub.

At least I'm not the only one.

Mugsy for Me

It pleases me to read that Ayatollah Mugsy has offered his endorsement of my campaign for mayor of Anoka. As the revered spiritual leader of Pug Life Ministries, Mugsy barks the words of truth, so it is difficult to doubt the wisdom of his endorsement. In addition to his work for Pug Life, Mugsy, who is a strong advocate for canine rights, has struggled relentlessly for noble canine causes, including spearheading the "Leave No Pet Behind" bill. He also officiates weddings.

Though we may be of different breed and different religion, our commonalities unite us, and I hope one day to serve as mayor of Anoka and work closely with Ayatollah Mugsy to bring peace to the great conglomeration of humans, dogs, and other pets.

Words to Live By

Maybe my jowls give the impression that I am a wise dog because I'm often asked for advice about life. Being a budding politician, I'm never short on advice. My problem is choosing one bit above the others as my best, fortune-cookie style recommendation.

After some contemplation this weekend, I think I've thought of it. Of all the things that I've learned in my two and a half years of dogness, this bit of wisdom has served me best: make friends with the cook.

Brinkley for Governor

It appears the political aspirations of a fellow canine has attracted the attention of the national media. Best of luck, Brinkley! Do you have any tips for another politically-minded dog? Perhaps we could meet for a sniff and greet session someday soon?

Poodles

Wild Thing!

Being a dog myself, I have a fondness for others of my species. That said, poodles freak me out.

Grassroots

Despite my constant talk about being on the campaign trail, some have their doubts as to whether I am even running for mayor of Anoka. What is my long-term strategy, they ask. Where are the postcards and the posters?

Well, I'm running what you could call a grassroots campaign. The thing that's most important to me about Anoka is the people, so that's where my campaign focuses. I go on a lot of walks, visit the neighbors and let them scratch my ears and rub my belly, and I lick the hands of many a baby. I don't need fancy postcards or little flags with bulldog silhouettes. Just give me a family out on a stroll in the park and five minutes, and I'll give you a family of Thomas Peterson for Mayor campaign supporters.

An Earful of Support

Last night my campaign manager removed the furnace air filter for probably the first time ever, and now it sounds like a jet plane is launching in my kennel. Thank you, campaign manager. Don't you know I have sensitive bat ears?

These ears of mine are a fierce political weapon. I can hear whispered conspiratorial conversations from across the room, and no one can sneak up behind me - unless I'm deep in thought. Or eating. On a clear day, if I tilt my head just right, I can even listen to NPR, which is handy for keeping up-to-date with current political going-ons.

So please, kind supporters, when you meet me in the streets, resist the urge to scream with joy. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it hurts my ears.

Cruelty

Would someone explain to me how I'm supposed to stick to a diet when my campaign manager cooks meals like this and keeps accidentally knocking chunks of food to the floor? How? It's just cruel. I feel like a marathon runner passing an ice cream stand.

Walking Away Those Pounds

In a recent post, a political supporter suggested that since I am on a diet, I should attempt a "Walk Across Anoka" to raise awareness of the fight against dog obesity (and human obesity, too, I suppose). This seemed like a great idea. It's something that would benefit me and society. It would generate a positive image for me, and I could accept donations for an obesity charity, like the Minnesota Obesity Center.

Of course, for such a long walk I'll need a support crew to provide water, shade, and air conditioning. I'll also need a photographer. I think two cars should be enough. I may also need an on-call veterinarian in case I overheat during my long, arduous journey. Now that I think about it, why should I bother walking when I have two perfectly decent, air-conditioned cars following me?

Hm.

How about the "Drive Across Anoka: an Obesity Awareness Charity Event?" I like the sound of that.

Campaign Photos

I posed for a few campaign photos today. This is one of the throwaways, but I like it anyway. I think it makes me look mayoral.

Too Dang Hot

Yes, it was too dang hot today in Anoka, but my physical trainer made me go on my two daily walks anyway. I bet I could lose these extra three pounds in water through my tongue on a day like today. That's an idea!

If I'm elected mayor and I get that new convertible I've had my eye on, I'm going to make sure it has air conditioning. Of all your inventions, you humans should be the proudest of haloalkane. What a wonderful chemical! I can't get enough of it. If I were ever to become chemically dependent, it would be to freon.

Fancy That

Reduced caloric intake diet, day one:

• For breakfast I ate the usual, only less of it.
• For dinner - the usual, only less of it.

The whole diet thing is pretty easy. I'm on my way to the cover of Dog Fancy!

Diet Right

It was time for my annual check-up with my doctor. I don't know why I need to pay someone $150 to tell me that everything is working. I know that already. My doc did say that I'm a little overweight and need to go on a diet. He called me chubby!

Do you know how hard it is for me to maintain my weight when I'm only 30 pounds? I could eat that much in floor scraps if I wanted to. Oh well, I guess my dietician will be reducing my daily food allowance, so I'll have to start smuggling more biscuits into my kennel at night.

Stick with Me

I am a kind and calm canine most of the time, but if duty calls and a stick needs snapping, I am ready for action.

Howl

I've never howled at the moon, but I hear it's quite popular with dogs.

I understand the appeal. Abandon your civilized ways and embrace the feral beast within, tilt your head, open you mouth, and release. Awoooo!

Somehow, I think it would be inappropriate for me as a mayoral candidate to take up howling as a hobby. It could become quite an embarassing habit during extended town meetings. Imagine being in the middle of a heated debate when one of the participants starts to ignore the others, leans back and howls away, oblivious of the consequences. Actually, now that I think about it, that's not much different than how it works now.

Politics

x4

The thing I like most about politics is that people, dogs, and other animals with such diverse opinions can get together, argue, and work out their differences. I think the rabbits in my backyard need to learn some negotiating skills from the flop-eared fellow in this photo.

Leadership

Here I am, supervising the construction of a patio. As you can see, I am an excellent leader, in politics and brick-laying.

Boom Boom Bah

I like the idea of the July 4th holiday. It's nice to celebrate America's independence and all, but in practice it's miserable. Who ever thought that the best way to celebrate the holiday was by setting off a series of loud, bright, and frightening explosions? In my case this year, however, those horrible explosions worked to my advantage.

My campaign aides decided to take me on a July 4th press tour of Anoka. My first stop was, of course, the Mayor's Annual Ice Cream Social. After hobnobbing and a few obligatory photos where I lick the faces of children, I wanted to just go home and nap. Instead, I volunteered my leadership skills to supervise the construction of a brick patio (but that's another subject for another day).

That evening, my chauffeur escorted me to the Anoka fireworks display. At first, it seemed like good fun, with loads of eligible voters all outside, having a good time. Then, the lights dimmed. A strange whistling sound pierced the air. A loud explosion sounded above me, shaking my little body and rattling my poor bat ears. I jumped. Another explosion followed! Then another! We are under attack! I thought, Where are my bodyguards?

Before I could find out, my campaign aides whisked me away from the dangerous scene and drove me home. Later, as I was checking my stocks on e-trade, I decided to contact Brody, my bodyguard. Apparently, based on an anonymous tip, Brody had stocked up on explosive devices earlier that day. Unbeknownst to me, the revolutionary rabbits from my backyard had formed a coup and planned their attack against me for the 4th. Brody wisely used the fireworks as a distraction, to frighten the lagomorphs as my aides quickly drove me to safety.

It was a political crisis averted, but my taste for firework celebrations has bittered. From now on, why not shoot meat sticks into the air instead? They are just as pretty to look at, and they taste better, too.

Sizing Up the Competition

I hope all you Yankees had a pleasant fourth of July vacation. Mine was quite eventful, and I'll be blogging about the more important events in the next few days.

I spent much of my time relaxing and taking a break from the stress of my mayoral bid. I couldn't resist the Mayor's Annual Ice Cream Social, however, where I got to stand face to face (or, rather, as close as I could get) with the current mayor, Bjorn Skogquist.

He's a great guy, and his feet, though a bit salty, taste pretty good. If I'm elected mayor, I've got some big shoes to fill. If you look closely, you may notice that Bjorn has taken his sandals off in this picture. I hate to jump to conclusions, but is this a symbol of defeat? Could I be a shoo-in for mayor?